Lately I feel my depression is about to rebound, and I try my best not to sink into it. But I can't guarantee it's going to work well.
I have in mind some friends that I want to call up and say I need their company. No offence to those I didn't pick to be in my list. For some unknown reasons, I'm picky like that in situation like this. Yet, it is not really an offence to them, because at the end, I didn't call up anyone.
I went back to my own room and that's it. And it's a vicious cycle. Friends didn't know I need help, I swallow the negativity in. And I distance myself from friends because I dare not disturb them with my poison. And they continue to have no idea what's going on. Until one day, it will be just too awkward to tell them anything, and I will resort to "I'm fine" to all the "How are you?" I wanted to receive very badly earlier on.
A friend once saw me struggling to find the right word. He said, "Just say what's on your mind. Just say it.", and looked at me encouragingly. Easy isn't it? No hinting and assuming. Save everyone's time, avoid resentment and unnecessary arguments.
But sometimes, all I want is your company. I want to sit next to you, and we don't have to say a thing. Can we do that? Will you feel comfortable to have silent moment with me and don't feel awkward about it? Platonic friendship, they call it. I think I have it. I hope it's not one sided. Because platonic friendship is the best kind of friendship one could ask for.
Call me. I want you to call me.