Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Hold Still

Sometimes I wish I can control my heart beat. That it doesn't have to follow exactly like how physiology text books describe it to react at certain situation. Such as when he asked if I am free tomorrow night.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013



I cannot NOT over-analyse things. Our last conversation was in Dec. Last week, he actually still remembers things which I have forgotten I told him.


Oh my goodness stop grinning already!

Sunday, February 3, 2013

Home sick

In Feb 2004 I left home for 3 months for National Service. My camp wasn't very far from home, it's still in Penang itself. Nonetheless, that was the first time I left home for more than a week. Two weeks after I ended NS, I entered matriculation in Kedah. Kedah still isn't that far from Penang. I managed to go home almost every fortnight during my first semester. Then I decided to stay back at hostel to study more often, so I cut down the frequency.

Then I had about 2 months break before entering university in July 2005. This time my campus was in the heart of KL. I couldn't go home as often as I wished. And slowly, I didn't think about going home that often anymore. Though there were times I caught myself hopping on express bus in a heartbeat and told my dad I'll be in Penang 4 hours later. 4 years of student life in KL with semester breaks filled with debate tournament, I was seldom at home for most of the days in a year.

Then I graduated, packed up and headed home, for good, I thought. Somehow KL offered me jobs that Penang didn't, I came back. Then I changed job, to a total different field. Yet it's still Klang Valley area that gives me opportunity.

In total it's been 9 years I'm staying away from home. Sometimes when I'm back at home I need to figure out where things are kept and where the switch for porch light is, etc. Oh, my family moved to a new house during my matriculation. So this new house, is still a new house to me. And me, is still a stranger in a land I spend most of my recent years living in.

Rootless, is the word I'd use to describe how I feel about this. It's tiring to stay afloat, let alone by myself. To be independent, watch out for myself, take care of myself so that parents don't have to worry about me.

For 9 years. I did it. Can I come home now?