Kevin looked at some of my pictures in my iPad, and he said I looked happy in the pictures. I said, of course, because I was with my favourite people in the picture, that was why I was happy. He said, no, some people would smile at the camera for picture sake. But I truly looked happy in the two pictures - one with Szuchen, another one with Hamoodi.
I realise what makes me happy - good relationship with the people around me. I told Hamoodi I was disturbed at the thought that some of my senior colleagues may not like me. He said, well, you can't expect everyone to like you. It's the reality that some people will like you, some won't. I said, but that's not what I meant. I don't expect myself to be everyone's favourite person. I just don't want anyone to dislike me, or have a sour relationship with anyone.
It aches me most when friendship could be given up easily, as if it doesn't mean anything to the friend, after what silly things we've done together, fights and argument we have gone through together. Many marvelled at our friendship, surprised to hear that it actually blossom at all. I've prayed hard for protection against Satan's attack on this friendship. I've cried my heart out for us, despite knowing that it will be fruitless and come to an end soon.
But being taken granted for too many times may just exhaust me out, eventually. Maybe what I need the most is to have the courage to walk away, to still be able to smile happily even when you're not in the picture.