Past and present

5 years ago I posted a picture in my Facebook, and wrote a caption for it. Somehow it feels strange to read the said caption and ask: Did I really write something like this? 

I realise I have become such a boring and reserved person that I no longer make fun of myself.

If one day I'd totally forget myself, i wonder what would people tell me about myself to help me recall.

Have I been busy searching for myself that I actually lose myself?

Hold my hands or I'll shatter

After all the things I've done alone, all the heartbreaks that I have survived, I just wish I will not be alone when my doctor has to break a bad news to me in his office.

Because there are times I feel like I'm made of glass.

But I am an independent middle child.

Flu has started for a week before festive season of CNY. And period just started today. The combo gave me headache, and ache in body too. And feel exhausted. I want to just curl up in bed.

The weather is not kind either. It's very hot at night and when you finally want to dozz off, mosquitoes decide to sing to you the song of their people, right next to your ears.

I'm just too tired to do any chores either. So please don't judge me. I wonder if independence means surviving this alone. I can, can't I?

Oh, and they just had to come do fogging in my housing area this evening. I highly doubt if fogging actually works anymore. I came back to my "scented" room and saw 3 mosquitoes flying around. And that's only in my room.

Dread.

For A Leader

I'm always proud to have the chance to work in Chili's KLCC during the final year of my undergraduate degree. Not only it is a famous restaurant, I got to work with superb leaders and experience true team work there. And of course, nasty customers, too.

I learned from my immediate supervisors that great leaders are first great listeners. Whenever there is a conflict, be it between colleagues or between us and the customers, my then managers were the ones who stepped in and handled it - literally like a boss. Unlike some leaders whom I personally know, who just like to point fingers and want nothing to do with it.

My managers are not only patient, they're also equipped with motivational skills. Before we started every shift, we'll have prep talk and briefing, which play important role to keep the team spirit up and make us want to give 110% into our service.

And my trainers! Oh I must not forget how selfless my trainers were! They taught me everything I needed to know about the job. They kept no knowledge to themselves because they understood that in the end it'll only benefit everyone, including themselves, if everyone has been trained well from the beginning, to be a part of the team. They were the ones who showed me to look at the bigger picture in everything I do - if I do my job in certain ways, how will it bring convenience or inconvenience to other people along the way and so on. And most importantly, they put teamwork in their actions. I could rely on them to help me when I needed help, and I observed that everyone helped each other without being asked to, because that's the culture. Leadership - lead by examples.

It just so happened that these days as my thoughts have been about leadership and team spirit, I read an old news from Facebook that one of my favourite leader has passed away. The post was dated back in September 2013. Of course it is a shocking news to me because he wasn't very advanced in age. He passed away because of heart attack. And I knew nothing about it until now. (I have left Chilis' KLCC by early 2009.) What's more, he had been posted to an outlet around my area for a good period of time before his passing.

Things like this always make me stop and ponder about life for a while. And this time, about great leaders who made a difference.

Challenged

I only have one birthday celebration in the month of January, and I only have one cell group meeting in the same month. They both have to be on the same evening. Like, seriously? A challenge to my new year resolution has started. Wait, in fact, my resolutions clash with one another and I have to make plans either to go around it or sacrifice either one. Nooooo!!

I want to be more committed in my cell group - to not skip meetings and try my best to swap whatever shift in hospital with other people so that I can attend CG.

I ALSO want to BE THERE FOR FRIENDS during moments that are important for them, such as a birthday celebration, a farewell, a funeral, a private lunch over a cup of coffee, a sudden outbreak of emo-ness in the middle of the night. I.want.to.be.there.

>.<

Dispersed

There is a family day event organised by my company, happening in December. Colleagues were passing around the registration forms for those who are interested to sign up. So everyone has been talking about the event. A colleague asked me if I will be going. I said I'm not very keen about it.

 

"Why not? Don't you have anyone to bring to? Your parents?"

"They're back in home town."

"Siblings?"

"Not here either."

I have to admit it feels lonely to say that.

Well of course, some of them also tried to joke..

"Hey, maybe you'll meet your 'future' family there!"

You can't not love them. ;)

Buying a gift

It's 1:26am. On the day before, I became a secret santa for a colleague for our lab's Christmas activity. Due date is probably by Jan next year. I still have plenty of time to find out what he likes or what he's looking forward to get for himself. Yes, it's a he. Challenges like this keeps me awake even in a rainy night. 

If only I don't have to be obsessive about buying the perfect gift every.single.time. Shopping for a guy is the hardest. They're always cool with anything, any colours.

But it's a gift. It's suppose to make the recipient goes "Wow! How d'you know I wanted this?" or "It's wonderful! It suits me perfectly!". The surprise element. The excitement and not to be disappointed. 

Some people try not to have expectation so that they won't be disappointed when they receive a gift they don't really fancy. But I want to beat that! I want to show you that I do pay attention to you. I want to put effort to let you know you deserve to be cherished.

He's from an upper middle class family. I don't think there's anything he really needs that he can't afford. But perhaps it's something that is nice to have but he won't spend money on? Something he yet to realise he actually wants it before he know about it?

I may sound sexist if I were to say buying presents for girls is easier. Maybe because girls don't really know what they want. We like many things, especially those pretty-looking ones, be it practical or not practical. Luxurious hand cream, or an elegant lookin purse, or a blank note book that has cute cover on it, or a coffee mug with inspiring quote, or a vase, or a pair of earrings, or a complete set of brushes for basic make up use that comes in its own pouch, a recipe book for desserts (who cares if we don't actually bake cakes, the desserts look yummy in it!), a watch-it's a plus if you know her favourite colours. There are so many things one can buy for a lady. And plenty of brands for each item, too.

Oh, and flowers. recently I got to buy some flowers for some occasion. And my heart melts every time I carefully take those nicely wrapped flowers into my arms, from the florists. Personally I prefer practical gifts. And a bouquet of flowers could be the most unpractical thing one can give me. But I'd love to receive flowers once in a while..

Don't they make you smile? :)

Maybe because I'm thinking from the point of view for a girl. But what does a guy look forward to receive as a gift? Maybe, just maybe, not everyone take receiving gifts as serious as I do in getting one for them, huh?

:(

Discard After Use

What does a good listener do when she needs a good listener?

I wonder if a good listener friend is something disposable.

Colours of my life

Because you are my summer.

#random

Sing on

Heard Buy Me A Rose by Luther Vandross over the radio a few days ago, and it stuck in my head till now. 

Studio recording is just amazing, isn't it? Everytime a song by a deceased singer is played, it's as if the singer lives on. Gently and clearly, note by note, words sung into hearts, like how it was first heard, when he was still alive. 

If I were to describe the kind of RnB songs I like, Luther Vandross is the perfect example to say it all. Smooth and classy. Beautiful voice. My favourites among them are Dance With My Father (through which I got to know about this singer), I'd Rather and Buy Me A Rose.

 I happen to read this article, a little write up about his journey. Hope it inspires you to start a good week ahead :)

http://edition.cnn.com/2005/SHOWBIZ/Music/07/01/vandross.obit/