Sing on

Heard Buy Me A Rose by Luther Vandross over the radio a few days ago, and it stuck in my head till now. 

Studio recording is just amazing, isn't it? Everytime a song by a deceased singer is played, it's as if the singer lives on. Gently and clearly, note by note, words sung into hearts, like how it was first heard, when he was still alive. 

If I were to describe the kind of RnB songs I like, Luther Vandross is the perfect example to say it all. Smooth and classy. Beautiful voice. My favourites among them are Dance With My Father (through which I got to know about this singer), I'd Rather and Buy Me A Rose.

 I happen to read this article, a little write up about his journey. Hope it inspires you to start a good week ahead :)

http://edition.cnn.com/2005/SHOWBIZ/Music/07/01/vandross.obit/

A Fling

Love the ambiance of this coffee place, Coffea Coffee in SS15. I can sit here for a whole day if it's always as quiet as how it was today. But the coffee and cakes here are nothing spectacular compare to Upstairs Cafe. However, Upstairs Cafe is getting noisier now.. :( That's not how I want a hipster-jazzy cafe to feel like. Then again, Upstairs Cafe is not mine alone, even though I've had enough people telling me I probably deserve to be rewarded with a loyalty card by now.

Just feeling sentimental about the past, when the cafe and me were both newcomers in this town. Love at first sight, indeed. Fell deeply, but when I am ready to go, I won't turn back.

Sad sunset

Watching sunset with a heartache. Who am I kidding. Not even the most beautiful view cheers me up if you're not with me. It only reminds me that, it's never my turn to hold on to wonderful things. Even this sunset, it is not mine alone. And it does not even last.

Well, at least it is still longer than our short-lived friendship. This time, I'm gonna put a name to the him I write about. Jared Blatsioris.

*knock*knock*

During time like this, you shine the brightest. But I dare not walk close to you. I'm not sure if I worth your time. Because all I want is moment of silence, with you, and you alone.

Lately I feel my depression is about to rebound, and I try my best not to sink into it. But I can't guarantee it's going to work well. 

I have in mind some friends that I want to call up and say I need their company. No offence to those I didn't pick to be in my list. For some unknown reasons, I'm picky like that in situation like this. Yet, it is not really an offence to them, because at the end, I didn't call up anyone. 

I went back to my own room and that's it. And it's a vicious cycle. Friends didn't know I need help, I swallow the negativity in. And I distance myself from friends because I dare not disturb them with my poison. And they continue to have no idea what's going on. Until one day, it will be just too awkward to tell them anything, and I will resort to "I'm fine" to all the "How are you?" I wanted to receive very badly earlier on.

A friend once saw me struggling to find the right word. He said, "Just say what's on your mind. Just say it.", and looked at me encouragingly. Easy isn't it? No hinting and assuming. Save everyone's time, avoid resentment and unnecessary arguments.

But sometimes, all I want is your company. I want to sit next to you, and we don't have to say a thing. Can we do that? Will you feel comfortable to have silent moment with me and don't feel awkward about it? Platonic friendship, they call it. I think I have it. I hope it's not one sided. Because platonic friendship is the best kind of friendship one could ask for.

Call me. I want you to call me.

Piece of you

Darryl used to ask me if I like playing boardgame or I just like playing it because of them. I replied "I like to play boardgames with you guys." He said I didn't really get his question. Then I gave it a thought, and I understood what I've missed, but I didn't know what my answer to his question was. Because Darryl was one of the players in most of the boardgame rounds I played. And it has always been fun.

Then last Thursday night, my friends and I met up for a card game called Politico. It's a Malaysian politic card game. Dangerously hilarious and stereotyping is at its best in this game. And it's addictive. 

I had a really good time that night, even though I only won one round at the end. I believe my friends had a great time too. We started around 10pm at Upstairs Cafe. Then when they're closing at 11pm, we moved to the 24 hours mamak restaurant downstairs. We played till 1:30am. 

We went all out against each other, forming alliances and using carefully planned schemes to win. And of course, making fun of each other's cards.

Few days later, Yao Tsing told me he still misses the game, feels like he is hooked to it. I'm glad friends had a great time at events that I plan and organise. I'm always thankful when things turn up well and plan goes unexpectedly better than I hope.

I do miss the game. But I miss the company more. It wouldn't be this fun without the right combination of players. This time, I can tell the difference. The game is indeed fun, but playing with the right people is the key. 

I'm the type of person that will even go solo to do things that I really want to do but can't find company. But sometimes, I'd rather not do it. Because it's not about achievement. It's about sharing the moments with people that matters.

Before you came along

I used to love weekend. Be it sleeping in and slow-paced brunch and boardgames/ movies afternoon and night time reading, OR even working through my weekends once in a while. Because I do love my job like that.

Then you came along. I have to choose between you and everything I love. Good thing is, we do have similar interests. 

I've had enough advices to be patient and wait for the guy to make the first move and I can live without guys who do not take initiative and etc. Of course I can. Still, you make me go crazy. My heart has to overwork everytime I go out with you. It's not that often. Yet it's enough to remind myself that I need to workout more to withstand that kind of workload.

I should always, ALWAYS guard my heart. 

Best friend

So I was talking to a Malay who holds strongly to his Bumiputra status and superior privileges he enjoy.

"What would you feel if someone come into your house, take your belongings and food? Do you like that?"

I was about to say

"I don't know. Maybe you should ask my best friend when I do that to her."

But I guess he's not in the mood for humour. So I just said that's my house too.

Hipster

John Tee said there's a true hipster in me, because I enjoy film festivals and musicals, want to learn the driving direction to KLPac so that I can hang out more there, have attended events hosted in Artist Studio and Annex Gallery, and love cozy cafes.

Meh, being a hipster is just too mainstream.

Distance

Please remember that I am here and I care and I love you.

#random

Who's this?

Maybe I took Facebook a little too seriously, out of the blue. The mood came and I went through my friend list one by one, deleting those I have not heard from for a very long time, and those I wasn't close with at the first place. Funny to find I actually keep my Nasional Service friends whom I only got to spend 3 months with, but deleted quite a number of highschool friends whom I went to the same school with for 5 years but barely spoke to. This is not the first time I carry out spring cleaning for my friend list, but i only do it once in a blue moon. Because it's a tiring job. I had to think hard who that friend was, what was their original name when we first know each other, how would she look like without those make-ups on and etc. Most of the time I could still faintly remember the person. But this time the "operation" was a lot stricter. Oh well i guess they won't miss me either.