With all your heart

When I check out new restaurants, I not only check out the food and the ambiance, I also take note of their attitude about their business. I'm sure we all know of hawker stalls or even restaurants which serve incredible food but with arrogant manner? Some say just bear with the attitude because there is no one else that serves better (particular) food than theirs. And that also in a way, serves as a measure of how good they are - where the customers are willing to put up with them for their food. Some however, say they won't come back again simply because of their attitude. 

But these two are in the good food spectrum. How about the average outlet? The ones that doesn't have a lot of experience, new to being an entrepreneur? Those new shops in town which yet to gain its name among the neighbours? They have even more reason to show good attitude with their business - reasonably at least at the very beginning of the journey, where one is expected to be more passionated  and geared up about this new adventure of his. If you listen to and consider feedbacks, that makes customers want to come back again, to see if you've improvised anything, or perhaps for the simple reason that the boss here is friendly and warm.

Having said all these, I strongly believe that the most important attraction of your shop compared to your peers is in your attitude in running the business. Not only because the day will come where someone is better than you are, but also for your own improvement. Attitude is seen not only in the way you speak to your customer or handle criticism, but also in the dishes you placed on the table. Whether or not you put in your very best in your food, it makes a lot of difference. I'm not talking about super expensive fine dining. One can tell the difference in attitude of different mamak restaurants just from the food the serve. I come across restaurants that despite cheaper prices than those who serve similar food, the motto of the boss is to never serve food less than excellent. And guess what, I've never know of anyone whom I brought there that doesn't like that place, for any reason.

Being a person who must have my three main meals on time, I am able to, with strength from God, fast my lunch for about a month. I am pretty sure what I am talking about if I say I can live without ever eating the good food from a particular restaurant if the attitude is horrible.

I appreciate good food, nice ambiance, quality service. Most importantly, the fact that one puts his heart in when cooking for the public, who come and buy your love with money. Because when you see them come back to your shop, you know they're not just here with money this time. They want you to thrive, as much as you do.

It's nice to know someone cares.

I have to say it is scary when things change, even when it's for the better. I think for this case, especially for the better.

I've been quite independent for the last 3.5 years, at least. I did many things for the first time, by myself. Such as moving to Subang (get a new job, find a place to stay, hire a truck to move my things over, explore my new turf), getting to know new people and surviving heartbreaks, being hospitalised, going through the entire driving lesson and passing it, then buying a car and driving around, finally applying for a credit card, picking up a new language. In short, watching my own back. The word "own" spells loneliness at times, something I barely have time for when I was living in KL, the big city I love, because I was busy enjoying the prime of my life.

Recently, life here in Subang changed for the better. I grew closer to a number of people from the church. There are a number of us starting to make a point to have lunch together after every service on Sunday. We will share about our day from time to time. I revealed to them thoughts I usually keep to myself. I actually asked for favour from them. In the past the only favour I could remember asking was for a ride to and from church events. I am beginning to ask to be kept in their prayers for certain items I'd normally keep to myself. 

I'm slowly giving myself to them, allowing myself to embrace the care they show for me. It feels surreal when some would call me up to check if I've returned home safely. Some would remember my follow-up dates with the doctor, and keep me in their own daily prayers without me asking them to. Kat offered to accompany me for follow-up as my doctor discuss the biopsy result and treatment plan with me. Luke asked if I wanted to talk about it when I (have the courage to) told him I was feeling a little blue for no apparent reason, and brought me for ice-cream because of that, even though it had passed his bedtime, then asked if I felt alright afterwards. Some spent time with me to listen to me talk about *ahem* boys. Ken offered to send me home after I got discharged from hospital. Vina cooked porridge enough to feed me for 3 meals so I still get healthy meals while I'm adapting to a change in diet. Some offer to give me a lift even though I do have a car to drive around now.

I find myself loving this closeness, despite the fact I've also grown to love privacy and idea of own space. I am slowly getting use to their love, and to be loved. It's something I used to know, but I have forgotten how this is like, until I experience it again. The idea of having someone along the journey. The idea that not only God is with me always, but He also sends His angels to reinforce the point. I am capable of going places by myself. But I really don't have to insist doing everything by myself.

The scary thought is, what if one day I find myself back in square one, where I need to repeat all I managed independently? Will I be able to pick myself up and brave through the storm, alone, again? Will I miss this so badly that it hinders me from enjoying my adventure ahead? Will I still be able to have joy at times when I am alone? I know I still love spending time with myself, such as catching a sunrise while everyone's asleep, reading a book at an isolated spot, and movie date myself. But perhaps not so much to watch out for myself. It's nice to know that someone cares whether I've reached home safely. It's nice to know someone cares. 

I guess for now, I'll dive in to their love, embrace it, and not be afraid to love them back even more. It's not just for what they've done for me, but also for who they are. I caught myself missing them sometimes, when we're not together. But at the same time, remember that all this is only temporary, too. Only God is consistently, fully reliable. His promises, and His unconditional love will always be enough for me. And be prepared to lose all this at His will, knowing He'll still be with me when I have to go back to square one.

Past and present

5 years ago I posted a picture in my Facebook, and wrote a caption for it. Somehow it feels strange to read the said caption and ask: Did I really write something like this? 

I realise I have become such a boring and reserved person that I no longer make fun of myself.

If one day I'd totally forget myself, i wonder what would people tell me about myself to help me recall.

Have I been busy searching for myself that I actually lose myself?

Hold my hands or I'll shatter

After all the things I've done alone, all the heartbreaks that I have survived, I just wish I will not be alone when my doctor has to break a bad news to me in his office.

Because there are times I feel like I'm made of glass.

But I am an independent middle child.

Flu has started for a week before festive season of CNY. And period just started today. The combo gave me headache, and ache in body too. And feel exhausted. I want to just curl up in bed.

The weather is not kind either. It's very hot at night and when you finally want to dozz off, mosquitoes decide to sing to you the song of their people, right next to your ears.

I'm just too tired to do any chores either. So please don't judge me. I wonder if independence means surviving this alone. I can, can't I?

Oh, and they just had to come do fogging in my housing area this evening. I highly doubt if fogging actually works anymore. I came back to my "scented" room and saw 3 mosquitoes flying around. And that's only in my room.

Dread.

For A Leader

I'm always proud to have the chance to work in Chili's KLCC during the final year of my undergraduate degree. Not only it is a famous restaurant, I got to work with superb leaders and experience true team work there. And of course, nasty customers, too.

I learned from my immediate supervisors that great leaders are first great listeners. Whenever there is a conflict, be it between colleagues or between us and the customers, my then managers were the ones who stepped in and handled it - literally like a boss. Unlike some leaders whom I personally know, who just like to point fingers and want nothing to do with it.

My managers are not only patient, they're also equipped with motivational skills. Before we started every shift, we'll have prep talk and briefing, which play important role to keep the team spirit up and make us want to give 110% into our service.

And my trainers! Oh I must not forget how selfless my trainers were! They taught me everything I needed to know about the job. They kept no knowledge to themselves because they understood that in the end it'll only benefit everyone, including themselves, if everyone has been trained well from the beginning, to be a part of the team. They were the ones who showed me to look at the bigger picture in everything I do - if I do my job in certain ways, how will it bring convenience or inconvenience to other people along the way and so on. And most importantly, they put teamwork in their actions. I could rely on them to help me when I needed help, and I observed that everyone helped each other without being asked to, because that's the culture. Leadership - lead by examples.

It just so happened that these days as my thoughts have been about leadership and team spirit, I read an old news from Facebook that one of my favourite leader has passed away. The post was dated back in September 2013. Of course it is a shocking news to me because he wasn't very advanced in age. He passed away because of heart attack. And I knew nothing about it until now. (I have left Chilis' KLCC by early 2009.) What's more, he had been posted to an outlet around my area for a good period of time before his passing.

Things like this always make me stop and ponder about life for a while. And this time, about great leaders who made a difference.

Challenged

I only have one birthday celebration in the month of January, and I only have one cell group meeting in the same month. They both have to be on the same evening. Like, seriously? A challenge to my new year resolution has started. Wait, in fact, my resolutions clash with one another and I have to make plans either to go around it or sacrifice either one. Nooooo!!

I want to be more committed in my cell group - to not skip meetings and try my best to swap whatever shift in hospital with other people so that I can attend CG.

I ALSO want to BE THERE FOR FRIENDS during moments that are important for them, such as a birthday celebration, a farewell, a funeral, a private lunch over a cup of coffee, a sudden outbreak of emo-ness in the middle of the night. I.want.to.be.there.

>.<

Dispersed

There is a family day event organised by my company, happening in December. Colleagues were passing around the registration forms for those who are interested to sign up. So everyone has been talking about the event. A colleague asked me if I will be going. I said I'm not very keen about it.

 

"Why not? Don't you have anyone to bring to? Your parents?"

"They're back in home town."

"Siblings?"

"Not here either."

I have to admit it feels lonely to say that.

Well of course, some of them also tried to joke..

"Hey, maybe you'll meet your 'future' family there!"

You can't not love them. ;)

Buying a gift

It's 1:26am. On the day before, I became a secret santa for a colleague for our lab's Christmas activity. Due date is probably by Jan next year. I still have plenty of time to find out what he likes or what he's looking forward to get for himself. Yes, it's a he. Challenges like this keeps me awake even in a rainy night. 

If only I don't have to be obsessive about buying the perfect gift every.single.time. Shopping for a guy is the hardest. They're always cool with anything, any colours.

But it's a gift. It's suppose to make the recipient goes "Wow! How d'you know I wanted this?" or "It's wonderful! It suits me perfectly!". The surprise element. The excitement and not to be disappointed. 

Some people try not to have expectation so that they won't be disappointed when they receive a gift they don't really fancy. But I want to beat that! I want to show you that I do pay attention to you. I want to put effort to let you know you deserve to be cherished.

He's from an upper middle class family. I don't think there's anything he really needs that he can't afford. But perhaps it's something that is nice to have but he won't spend money on? Something he yet to realise he actually wants it before he know about it?

I may sound sexist if I were to say buying presents for girls is easier. Maybe because girls don't really know what they want. We like many things, especially those pretty-looking ones, be it practical or not practical. Luxurious hand cream, or an elegant lookin purse, or a blank note book that has cute cover on it, or a coffee mug with inspiring quote, or a vase, or a pair of earrings, or a complete set of brushes for basic make up use that comes in its own pouch, a recipe book for desserts (who cares if we don't actually bake cakes, the desserts look yummy in it!), a watch-it's a plus if you know her favourite colours. There are so many things one can buy for a lady. And plenty of brands for each item, too.

Oh, and flowers. recently I got to buy some flowers for some occasion. And my heart melts every time I carefully take those nicely wrapped flowers into my arms, from the florists. Personally I prefer practical gifts. And a bouquet of flowers could be the most unpractical thing one can give me. But I'd love to receive flowers once in a while..

Don't they make you smile? :)

Maybe because I'm thinking from the point of view for a girl. But what does a guy look forward to receive as a gift? Maybe, just maybe, not everyone take receiving gifts as serious as I do in getting one for them, huh?

:(

Discard After Use

What does a good listener do when she needs a good listener?

I wonder if a good listener friend is something disposable.